There are at least four drafts of this blog post.
So many words, but no freaking clue on what it is I actually want to say, how much I am willing to share, how brave I actually am or if I am even sure if it needs to be said.
I think the last two months have been the toughest in a very long while- to say I reached my rock bottom would be an understatement, I hit it and I hit hard. One of those completely unprepared for situations and one I am still struggling with daily. Its been a bizarre situation, to feel utterly worthless and so utterly, utterly, utterly sad- but at the same time have my brain yelling at myself to get up, to dust myself off and keep soldiering on. I see myself as the queen of positivity, of wanting to be strong, seeing the best in every situation and ended up telling myself these things only to cry harder.
I'm not sure what I want to achieve by this blog post- it sure as hell isn't sympathy or buoyant praise or even attention, honestly I feel fucking melodramatic. I'm doing the 'right' things and talking to someone (which coincidentally is the scariest part of it all) but I think I just needed to write.